Fear or Courage?

As a child, I was scared of the dark, scared of water and scared of heights. To calm my fears, Mother checked my closet and under the bed for the boogie man before she turned off the light at night. She forced me to take swimming lessons to overcome my trouble with water. I finally beat my fear of heights on a high ropes course as an adult.

Today’s children have much more to fear than I did. The evening news incites absolute terror in their hearts; stories of Ebola, ISSIS and violence on the streets. It takes more than checking for the boogie man to give our children a sense of security when threats like these fill their minds with fear. We need to replace the stories that create fear with stories that inspire courage. We need to share stories of those who used fear to energize them rather than paralyze them.

Children need to hear stories of those in our country’s history who overcame terrible situations that should have defeated them but instead made them stronger.

Stories of those who protect America day in and day out from the terrors they hear about. They need to know that heroes are born in the face of danger. The story of Todd Beamer who gave us the battle cry, “Let’s Roll,” when he and other passengers overcame terrorists on United Airlines Flight 93 on 9/11.

I highly recommend William Bennett’s classic, The Children’s Book of Heroes, as a great place to start. 

Momentary Lapse?

We all make mistakes.

In a moment of not thinking, we can do the most awful things. Before we realize it, we allow our emotions to trump our better judgment and cause us to strike out at a loved one or cause physical pain in the discipline of a child. If we truly just make a mistake, we will take the necessary steps to repair the damage done.  

It’s when we try to cover our mistakes with excuses that we tell the world the mistake was not a one-time lapse in judgment, but a pattern of our real behavior. The more we protest the consequences of our actions, the more obvious it becomes that a conscious decision was made to harm another or to discipline way too harshly.

Sound familiar? Football players protesting the consequences of their lousy choices.

The Manners of the Heart® program teaches that if you are seeking to be your best rather than ‘number one’, you will rectify your mistakes, not cover them up. You will admit you were wrong and are in need of help. You will go to the end of your means to seek forgiveness and make restitution. In contrast, those who are trying to be ‘number one’ will go to any lengths to get there, making poor choices as they go.

Once again, I’ll use the latest sports’ stories as examples of what happens when you attempt to cover up your mistakes or make excuses or blame someone else—everyone suffers, especially the innocent.

From my heart to yours,

Jill

Laughter Fills Your Home With Love

Manners in a Minute
Did you know that seven days without laughter makes one weak.  W-E-A-K?  It weakens the bond between you and your spouse and you and your children.  A home without laughter becomes a home without joy. And a home without joy becomes a home without love.
Let me offer a few ways to keep your home filled with laughter and love. Rearrange the dining chairs after supper, turn on the music and play musical chairs before bedtime. Instead of turning on the TV tonight, let each member of the family take a turn being a news anchor, standing in front of the TV to tell their story. Have a paper airplane contest.  See who can keep their plane in the air the longest. You could race around the block with your kids.  Then really knock their socks off, by taking off your socks and running barefoot in the grass with them. 

Make time for fun. You’ll build a strong bond with your kids. You’ll also be teaching your children to find joy in the simple pleasures of life.

A family that laughs together loves each other.   

From my heart to yours,

Wise Ol' Wilbur

Fifth Graders Really Do Have the Answers

I have to admit that fifth graders at Buchanan Elementary School in Baton Rouge really do have the answers…the answers to life and living.

A few weeks ago I sat down with a randomly selected group of fifth grade students who have had Manners of the Heart instruction since first grade. I was curious to find out if the principles of Manners of the Heart were a part of shaping their worldview and perspective on life.

I’ll let you decide as you read just a few of the answers to the questions I posed to Christian, Dillon, Alexander, Adrienne, Ju-Woo, Jhansi and Marcus:

What did Manners of the Heart teach you?

·          Christian:

o   I learned a lot of new things that I never knew

o   Always have a kind heart

o   Manners fill your heart with happiness

o   To tell others about manners

o   Stay strong when someone talks bad about you

o   Show happiness to others even though they’re being mean to you

·          Dillon:

o   Treat others the way you want to be treated

o   I knew it would help me

o   Give respect to get it

o   Teach other people about what you have learned

·          Alexander:

o   Gulliver the Grumpy Guest

o   Gabriel the Grateful Guest

o   MOH gave me a chance to teach younger kids. I help with little kids at my church and each week I would teach the lesson I learned at school to the little kids

·          Adrienne:

o   Be nice to someone even if they’re not being nice to you

o   Manners of the Heart changes your life—makes you a better person

o   Teach others the Golden Rule

·          Ju-Woo:

o   The lessons are really good.

o   The lessons are things that really happen to you in your life

o   Makes you happier—if you’re nice to people, it makes them feel good and you, too!

o   Show the manners in your heart in your actions

·          Jhansi:

o   Showed us how other people would feel if no one was ever nice to them and how big a difference it makes when people are nice

o   Treat people with respect because that makes the world a better place

o   Taught me what is right and wrong

o   I put flies around Gulliver’s head in my drawing because he was being rotten!

o   These are important lessons filled with meaning we will use throughout our lives

·          Marcus:

o   Be a good friend

o   Helps people be more friendly to you when you’re friendly to them

o   If you’re more respectful of others than they are of you, you’ll help them learn to be more respectful

o   How gossiping makes people feel really, really bad

o   Manners are how you make friends with other people

What would your world be like without Manners of the Heart?

·           “A lot of arguing”   Alexander  

·           “I wouldn’t know how to talk to others”   Jhansi

·           “Lots and lots of gossiping”  Adrienne

·           “A lot different…I wouldn’t treat people the way I do”    Marcus

·           “People wouldn’t be respectful”  Jhansi

·           “If there wasn’t Manners of the Heart there would be a bunch of fighting and it would be a very unhappy        place.”   Christian

That last answer explains our world today, doesn’t it? The reason we have fighting (kids killing each other, killing us and killing themselves) and the lowest level of happiness our society has ever experienced, is because we don’t have enough Manners of the Heart.

The answer from a fifth grader. It really is that simple.

From my heart to yours,

Wise Ol' Wilbur

Transforming a Bully

Forgiveness Changed the Bully

The second most popular lesson this year was “Excusing Others,” one of the HEART lessons…Helping Others, Excusing Others, Appreciating Others, Respecting Others and Treating Others.

The really fascinating part of the popularity of this lesson is that it came very early in the school year. For elementary students, the beginning of the school year is just a distant memory, and yet, this lesson remained at the forefront of their hearts and minds. 

In the lesson, all grade levels learn how to forgive others and how to ask for forgiveness. One of the most poignant lessons in this series takes place in second grade. Children are paired up with their classroom partner and asked to draw a picture of their favorite person, possession or pet. When the drawing is complete they exchange the picture with their partner and then we ask them to tear it. Yes, we ask them to tear their partner’s picture. I know this seems extreme, and I suppose it is, but even more extreme are the outcomes.  

In a second grade classroom, a rough and tumble young boy sat stunned at the request to tear his partner’s picture. Surprising to everyone because this was the bully of the class. The expectation was that he would enjoy being told to destroy someone else’s picture, but he couldn’t do it. Tears streamed down his face. For the first time, he recognized how his actions hurt others. You see, up until this point, the pain he inflicted on others was his way of getting rid of his own pain. He had not realized that he was hurting others by his actions.

After a few excruciating moments, he tore the picture. A tiny rip in the top corner.

Wondering where the forgiveness comes in this lesson? The children are given Band-Aids and told to repair the tear and return the picture to their partner while looking them in the eye and asking for forgiveness. They also learn the final step of forgiveness—vowing to never do it again. 

Our soon-to-be-bully-no-more placed a Band-Aid on the tear and said, “I’m sorry…I will never do that again.” And he didn’t…not one time the rest of the school year.

One of our foundational principles is that to change a bully, you must “get the bad stuff out to let the good stuff in.” It works!

From my heart to yours,

Wilbur