Transforming a Bully

Forgiveness Changed the Bully

The second most popular lesson this year was “Excusing Others,” one of the HEART lessons…Helping Others, Excusing Others, Appreciating Others, Respecting Others and Treating Others.

The really fascinating part of the popularity of this lesson is that it came very early in the school year. For elementary students, the beginning of the school year is just a distant memory, and yet, this lesson remained at the forefront of their hearts and minds. 

In the lesson, all grade levels learn how to forgive others and how to ask for forgiveness. One of the most poignant lessons in this series takes place in second grade. Children are paired up with their classroom partner and asked to draw a picture of their favorite person, possession or pet. When the drawing is complete they exchange the picture with their partner and then we ask them to tear it. Yes, we ask them to tear their partner’s picture. I know this seems extreme, and I suppose it is, but even more extreme are the outcomes.  

In a second grade classroom, a rough and tumble young boy sat stunned at the request to tear his partner’s picture. Surprising to everyone because this was the bully of the class. The expectation was that he would enjoy being told to destroy someone else’s picture, but he couldn’t do it. Tears streamed down his face. For the first time, he recognized how his actions hurt others. You see, up until this point, the pain he inflicted on others was his way of getting rid of his own pain. He had not realized that he was hurting others by his actions.

After a few excruciating moments, he tore the picture. A tiny rip in the top corner.

Wondering where the forgiveness comes in this lesson? The children are given Band-Aids and told to repair the tear and return the picture to their partner while looking them in the eye and asking for forgiveness. They also learn the final step of forgiveness—vowing to never do it again. 

Our soon-to-be-bully-no-more placed a Band-Aid on the tear and said, “I’m sorry…I will never do that again.” And he didn’t…not one time the rest of the school year.

One of our foundational principles is that to change a bully, you must “get the bad stuff out to let the good stuff in.” It works!

From my heart to yours,

Wilbur