Monday, November 24, 2014

Thanksgiving Comes Before Christmas



We’ve been doing the hard work this month of looking in our own hearts to see what is there—gratitude or greed. When we get our hearts in the right place, instilling gratitude in the hearts of our children isn’t so difficult. It just takes the resolve to carry through on our desire to raise children with grateful hearts.

When my sons were young, every time we drove through the bank the teller offered them a lollipop. Rather than allowing the treat just because it was offered, more times than not, I said “Thank you, but not today.” After a while, the boys would join in unison, “No thank you, not today.” The boys had learned that the lollipop was a treat, not a “right.”

On the occasions that I said, “Thank you so much that would be a real treat” to the teller’s offer, the boys would squeal with joy as they enjoyed every lick of their lollipops.

Here are a few helpful tips on how to instill gratitude in the hearts of your children:

  • Don’t allow your children to have something every time it’s offered. This creates a sense of entitlement and expectation that actually robs your children of joy!
  • Encourage the simple pleasures:
    • Make homemade gifts for each other.
    • Play games rather than rent a movie.
    • Spend the night in the backyard as an adventure at home.
  • As your children grow older, expect them to purchase their “wants” with extra money that they earn for doing chores. This not only instills gratitude, but also builds self-respect.
  • Teach your children to write thank you notes. Beginning at the age of three, your children can “draw” thank you notes. As soon as they are able, they need to write their own. A simple thank you note from a child warms the heart of the recipient and teaches your child the importance of saying thank you.
  • Try to not let a day pass by without asking your children (from toddlers to teens) to name at least two things they appreciated during the day.
  • Wherever you go, point out the good you see people doing. Express your thanks to those who are serving you and teach your children to do the same. In restaurants, the teller at the bank, the checker at the grocery…everywhere you go offer your gratitude for the little things people do.

How do you instill gratitude in the hearts of your children? Would you share ideas for the rest of us to follow?


From our hearts to yours,




Tuesday, November 11, 2014

The Monster After Halloween


Halloween is long past, but is a monster still plaguing you?

That old green-eyed monster is hard to get rid of, isn’t it? Especially in today’s culture of excess. Before we can help children develop grateful hearts, we have to tame the greedy monster in ourselves.

I admit, I have to fight this battle every day. I use the following questions to assess the excess in my heart when I feel the tug of the monster:

  • Do I want more money to buy more or give more?
  • Do I give something to anyone who asks? The beggar on the street? The kids in front of Wal-Mart? The Salvation Army bell ringer? Not sometimes, but every time I’m asked?
  • Do I have to have the latest model car?  
  • Do I own my money or does my money own me?
  • Am I content with what I have or always hoping for more?

Hope this helps you tame the monster, too. If our children are acting like greedy little monsters, it could be they’re acting just like us!

Monster see, monster do!

From my heart to yours,




PS I whole-heartedly recommend: The Berenstain Bears and the Green-Eyed Monster



Friday, November 7, 2014

What's in Your Heart - Greed or Gratitude?


Do you believe our society is greedier today that it was twenty years ago? Ten years ago? Five years ago? I can only imagine you’re nodding affirmatively. I agree with you.  

I wonder if it’s because we’ve been esteeming ourselves rather than esteeming others. We’ve been listening to those who told us to love ourselves so the world will love us. But if everyone is busy loving themselves, then who’s loving others?

The capacity to put the needs of others ahead of our wants cannot be nurtured in a culture that sends a message of entitlement running through our veins. No wonder our hearts have turned cold.

One of my favorite exercises to test the warmth of high school students’ hearts is to propose the following scenario:

“Last week someone made your all-time favorite cookies. I don’t mean slice-and-bake or add-water-to-the-mix cookies. I mean, real homemade cookies.”

I continue, “A friend comes by to see you. There are only two cookies left on the plate…a nice, big cookie and a small cookie that must have been the last bit of dough. Your friend is eyeing those cookies. What will you do? Will you offer your friend the big cookie or the little cookie?”

Here are a few of their responses:       
  •    “I’d give ‘em the little cookie, of course."
  •      “I don’t have to give ‘em a cookie. They both belong to me.
  •    “I’d give ‘em the little cookie, so they know who’s boss.
  •    “On a good day I might break them both in half and make things equal.
  •      “I know you want me to say that I’d give ‘em the big cookie, but hey, I gotta’ take care of myself first.”

So, are you grateful for what comes your way? Are you as greedy as a tenth grader?


What’s in your heart?