Raising the Expectations

It’s the close of another school year. As part of our end of the year survey, we ask the children we serve to tell us their favorite lesson. The answers surprised me, like never before.

The number one response? “I loved learning about being a host and a guest.” Surprising because this is one of the lessons that adults have criticized as not being appropriate for many of our impoverished inner city students. I can’t begin to tell you how many times well-meaning adults have suggested that this lesson does not fit the lifestyle of a child growing up in poverty.

It saddens my heart to hear adults insist that children in poverty are different than other children. That they should not receive instruction in the same life skills that children growing up outside of poverty receive. I’ve heard comments like, “They will never experience being a guest.” “You’re making them feel bad they don’t have nice homes.” “You’re setting them up for disappointment.”

But that’s not what the children are telling us. The children are telling us they LOVE the lesson. They love learning about Gulliver the Grumpy Guest who knows how to be a pest and Gabriel the Grateful Guest who always gives his best! As so often is the case, the children hear the deeper meaning of the lesson that many adults miss. They understand that everywhere they go, they are a guest. They understand that when anyone enters their “space” they become a host.

I believe this says a lot about the way we go about educating high-risk children. We lower the expectations, and in so doing, give the children a clear message that they are less than other children.

Which I trust no one really believes.

From my heart to yours, 

Wilbur

Children learn manners from our example

Manners in a Minute

“Do as I say, not as I do.” 

The first parent who said that to a child was probably caught red-handed doing something that shouldn’t have been imitated, like drinking straight out of the milk carton instead of pouring the milk in a glass.

Children learn TWICE as much from what we do than from what we say.  In terms of manners, children are likely to forget our words unless we model manners of the heart with our actions. 

A great way to start setting an example of manners of the heart for your children is by being respectful of the people you encounter.  Resist the urge to yell at the driver who cuts you off.  Don’t forget there are “big ears” in the backseat listening to you.  Greet the grouchy grocery store cashier with a big smile.  Those little ones sitting in the cart are watching you.  Replace words of criticism of your spouse and children with words of kindness and respect. 

With time, your children will do as you say because of what you do.  

Manners are not Memorizing Rules

Manners in a Minute

(Children’s voices, if possible):  Three times four is twelve.  Three times five is fifteen.  Three times six is eighteen.  (fade out)

Some things never change.  You and I memorized our multiplication tables, and I bet many of you have had to help your children do the same. 

However, having good manners is more than memorizing a set of rules.  Good manners come from an attitude of the heart that is self-giving, not self-serving.  Children who have good manners in their hearts look for ways to put others, not themselves, first.  They come to see that what they give to the world is more important than what they are given.

Here are some ways to help your children use good manners.  Encourage your children to take in the garbage cans for an elderly neighbor, to sit with the not-so-popular classmate in the school cafeteria, or to “high-five” EVERYBODY after a soccer game.  In turn, you’ll raise children who respect themselves and others even more.

Be sure to tune in this week to learn more about helping your children develop manners of the heart.