What's In Your Heart-Happiness or Joy?

Have you ever witnessed or experienced a “Wal-Mart moment” with a child? The child is begging, the mom is trying her best to not give in. The child is winning. Finally, the mom surrenders to her child’s demands. The child is satisfied for ten seconds and then asks for more.

I’ve gotten old enough that I care enough not to care what someone thinks of me. I have been known to lean over and in a gentle “motherly” voice say, “Please don’t give in. If you give in now, your child won’t listen to you when she’s sixteen. By the time she turns twenty-six, you won’t even know where to find her, so please, don’t give in today.”

The shocked mom usually stares at me in amazement and exclaims, “I just want my child to be happy.” To which I usually reply, “Oh, no, no you don’t. Your goal isn’t to make your child happy but to help your child find joy.”

From our heart to yours~

Thanksgiving Comes Before Christmas

We’ve been doing the hard work this month of looking in our own hearts to see what is there—gratitude or greed. When we get our hearts in the right place, instilling gratitude in the hearts of our children isn’t so difficult. It just takes the resolve to carry through on our desire to raise children with grateful hearts.

When my sons were young, every time we drove through the bank the teller offered them a lollipop. Rather than allowing the treat just because it was offered, more times than not, I said “Thank you, but not today.” After a while, the boys would join in unison, “No thank you, not today.” The boys had learned that the lollipop was a treat, not a “right.”

On the occasions that I said, “Thank you so much that would be a real treat” to the teller’s offer, the boys would squeal with joy as they enjoyed every lick of their lollipops.

Here are a few helpful tips on how to instill gratitude in the hearts of your children:

• Don’t allow your children to have something every time it’s offered. This creates a sense of entitlement and expectation that actually robs your children of joy!

• Encourage the simple pleasures:

• Make homemade gifts for each other.
• Play games rather than rent a movie.
• Spend the night in the backyard as an adventure at home.

• As your children grow older, expect them to purchase their “wants” with extra money that they earn for doing chores. This not only instills gratitude, but also builds self-respect.

• Teach your children to write thank you notes. Beginning at the age of three, your children can “draw” thank you notes. As soon as they are able, they need to write their own. A simple thank you note from a child warms the heart of the recipient and teaches your child the importance of saying thank you.

• Try to not let a day pass by without asking your children (from toddlers to teens) to name at least two things they appreciated during the day.

• Wherever you go, point out the good you see people doing. Express your thanks to those who are serving you and teach your children to do the same. In restaurants, the teller at the bank, the checker at the grocery…everywhere you go offer your gratitude for the little things people do.

How do you instill gratitude in the hearts of your children? Would you share ideas for the rest of us to follow?

From our hearts to yours,

The Monster After Halloween

Halloween is long past, but is a monster still plaguing you?

That old green-eyed monster is hard to get rid of, isn’t it? Especially in today’s culture of excess. Before we can help children develop grateful hearts, we have to tame the greedy monster in ourselves.

I admit, I have to fight this battle every day. I use the following questions to assess the excess in my heart when I feel the tug of the monster:

• Do I want more money to buy more or give more?
• Do I give something to anyone who asks? The beggar on the street? The kids in front of Wal-Mart? The Salvation Army bell ringer? Not sometimes, but every time I’m asked?
• Do I have to have the latest model car?  
• Do I own my money or does my money own me?
• Am I content with what I have or always hoping for more?

Hope this helps you tame the monster, too. If our children are acting like greedy little monsters, it could be they’re acting just like us!

Monster see, monster do!

From my heart to yours,

PS I whole-heartedly recommend: The Berenstain Bears and the Green-Eyed Monster

What's in Your Heart - Greed or Gratitude?

Do you believe our society is greedier today that it was twenty years ago? Ten years ago? Five years ago? I can only imagine you’re nodding affirmatively. I agree with you.  

I wonder if it’s because we’ve been esteeming ourselves rather than esteeming others. We’ve been listening to those who told us to love ourselves so the world will love us. But if everyone is busy loving themselves, then who’s loving others?

The capacity to put the needs of others ahead of our wants cannot be nurtured in a culture that sends a message of entitlement running through our veins. No wonder our hearts have turned cold.

One of my favorite exercises to test the warmth of high school students’ hearts is to propose the following scenario:

“Last week someone made your all-time favorite cookies. I don’t mean slice-and-bake or add-water-to-the-mix cookies. I mean, real homemade cookies.”

I continue, “A friend comes by to see you. There are only two cookies left on the plate…a nice, big cookie and a small cookie that must have been the last bit of dough. Your friend is eyeing those cookies. What will you do? Will you offer your friend the big cookie or the little cookie?”

Here are a few of their responses:       

•    “I’d give ‘em the little cookie, of course."
•      “I don’t have to give ‘em a cookie. They both belong to me.
•    “I’d give ‘em the little cookie, so they know who’s boss.
•    “On a good day I might break them both in half and make things equal.
•      “I know you want me to say that I’d give ‘em the big cookie, but hey, I gotta’ take care of myself first.”

So, are you grateful for what comes your way? Are you as greedy as a tenth grader?

What’s in your heart?

Blood and Guts aren’t Just for Halloween Anymore

We are a football-watching family. Young and old, we all enjoy Saturday and Sunday afternoon ballgames. Blood and guts on the field are part of the game. But this year, the blood and guts in the commercials for the new fall line-up, sent two of our grandsons running for cover, even more terrified when bedtime rolled around.

It’s not just the ads on TV that are rattling the boys’ bones. On the way to school, they’re seeing billboards of dead men coming alive before their eyes, begging their parents to come to the Haunted House around the corner.

It used to be that scary, creepy happened leading up to Halloween and then went away till the next year. But today, it’s with us year round and it’s more gruesome than ever. Think of the first releases of Harry Potter, Spiderman and Batman. Now, compare those with their latest releases. Quite different.

Hollywood used to portray the best in us. Today they portray the worst. We have become obsessed with the dark side.

So what can we do as parents and educators? Encourage children to look beyond the gore of zombies for their costumes to put the fun back in Halloween, while you work on doing something about the images the rest of the year.

Encourage your children to dress up as heroes, not villains. My sons’ favorite Halloween costume was the year they dressed as Ghostbusters in jumpsuits with proton backpacks and a floating “Slimer”. We painted Slimer’s face on a green helium-filled balloon and added green construction paper hands. Fishing line tied to one of the boys’ belts, held him in place.

What can you do about the gruesome images the rest of the year? Call the FCC. Call your local TV stations that carry the out-of-bounds horror shows in primetime. Let your voice be heard, for the sake of the children.

Isn’t it worth a little of your time to keep children from being terrified?

From our hearts to yours,