Raising the Expectations

It’s the close of another school year. As part of our end of the year survey, we ask the children we serve to tell us their favorite lesson. The answers surprised me, like never before.

The number one response? “I loved learning about being a host and a guest.” Surprising because this is one of the lessons that adults have criticized as not being appropriate for many of our impoverished inner city students. I can’t begin to tell you how many times well-meaning adults have suggested that this lesson does not fit the lifestyle of a child growing up in poverty.

It saddens my heart to hear adults insist that children in poverty are different than other children. That they should not receive instruction in the same life skills that children growing up outside of poverty receive. I’ve heard comments like, “They will never experience being a guest.” “You’re making them feel bad they don’t have nice homes.” “You’re setting them up for disappointment.”

But that’s not what the children are telling us. The children are telling us they LOVE the lesson. They love learning about Gulliver the Grumpy Guest who knows how to be a pest and Gabriel the Grateful Guest who always gives his best! As so often is the case, the children hear the deeper meaning of the lesson that many adults miss. They understand that everywhere they go, they are a guest. They understand that when anyone enters their “space” they become a host.

I believe this says a lot about the way we go about educating high-risk children. We lower the expectations, and in so doing, give the children a clear message that they are less than other children.

Which I trust no one really believes.

From my heart to yours, 

Wilbur

Children learn manners from our example

Manners in a Minute

“Do as I say, not as I do.” 

The first parent who said that to a child was probably caught red-handed doing something that shouldn’t have been imitated, like drinking straight out of the milk carton instead of pouring the milk in a glass.

Children learn TWICE as much from what we do than from what we say.  In terms of manners, children are likely to forget our words unless we model manners of the heart with our actions. 

A great way to start setting an example of manners of the heart for your children is by being respectful of the people you encounter.  Resist the urge to yell at the driver who cuts you off.  Don’t forget there are “big ears” in the backseat listening to you.  Greet the grouchy grocery store cashier with a big smile.  Those little ones sitting in the cart are watching you.  Replace words of criticism of your spouse and children with words of kindness and respect. 

With time, your children will do as you say because of what you do.  

Manners are not Memorizing Rules

Manners in a Minute

(Children’s voices, if possible):  Three times four is twelve.  Three times five is fifteen.  Three times six is eighteen.  (fade out)

Some things never change.  You and I memorized our multiplication tables, and I bet many of you have had to help your children do the same. 

However, having good manners is more than memorizing a set of rules.  Good manners come from an attitude of the heart that is self-giving, not self-serving.  Children who have good manners in their hearts look for ways to put others, not themselves, first.  They come to see that what they give to the world is more important than what they are given.

Here are some ways to help your children use good manners.  Encourage your children to take in the garbage cans for an elderly neighbor, to sit with the not-so-popular classmate in the school cafeteria, or to “high-five” EVERYBODY after a soccer game.  In turn, you’ll raise children who respect themselves and others even more.

Be sure to tune in this week to learn more about helping your children develop manners of the heart.

Stickability (Grit)

My definition of this word: “The ability to stick to the task at hand no matter the obstacles so that a goal is met.” I’ve been teaching this life lesson for as long as I can remember. And I know and admit that I’m not the first one to teach it. But there are those who are saying this is a NEW revelation in educating children.

Have you heard about it? Grit…Yep, we’re being told our children need grit to succeed in school and life. We’re being told this is a NEW answer.

Don’t they know there is “nothing new under the sun?”

John Wayne taught us the importance of grit on the big screen in his Oscar-winning portrayal of    the infamous U.S. Marshall, Rooster Cogburn, in True Grit.

Remember the story of Charles Howard, the owner of Sea Biscuit? He knew that “his horse was too small, his jockey was too big, his trainer was too old, and he was too dumb to know the difference,” but he knew Sea Biscuit could win, in spite of it all. It was grit that took Sea Biscuit across the finish line in 1938 to beat the Triple Crown horse, War Admiral, by four links.

William Wilberforce (you may recognize a name similarity) used grit to fight without ceasing for more than 40 years until slavery was abolished in England on July 26, 1833. Wilberforce died three days later.  

Christopher Columbus used grit to find the Americas we call home.

I could go on and on citing every Olympic athlete who has ever competed and many others from all walks of life…grit, perseverance, determination, stickability.  

The idea of using grit to accomplish a goal is not new…enabling children to develop grit in this day and time is new. For too long we have made things too easy for children. We have done everything we could to keep children from experiencing failure and disappointment which is how grit is developed. Consequently, they crumble when the inevitable happens…they receive a lower than normal grade, they lose a race, they’re not chosen, they must accept no. Without the opportunity to overcome difficulties, our children cannot experience the joy of victory.

How do we encourage the development of grit? Go back to the definition of stickability—the ability to stick to the task at hand no matter the obstacles so that your purpose is met. The key is the “so that”, the compelling reason for sticking to the task until you master it…SO THAT you can fulfill your purpose.

Manners of the Heart does it by teaching children to do their best to become all they are meant to be SO THAT they can help someone else become all they are meant to be.

All of us need a purpose beyond ourselves to make sticking with it worth it. Children do, too.

From our hearts to yours,

 

 

To enjoy Sea Biscuit’s real-life triumph, take a look at the original footage from his legendary victory:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVT2MPNCqgM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Teaching With Character or Not

How is it that in one grade level in the same school there can be such a vast difference in achievement?What separates a high poverty, high achieving school from a high poverty, low achieving school?

In both instances, there are common denominators: the same curriculum, same schedule, same environment and same mix of kids.

The difference? Teaching with character or not.
Let me give you two examples:
In spite of the odds, a first grade teacher in one of the toughest schools in our district has a classroom full of achieving students. It didn’t take long to understand why, when I visited her classroom last week.

We were greeted at the door by one of her students. (Just standard classroom policy.) All of the students looked up and greeted us with comments like “Glad you’re here” and “Welcome to our class.” (First graders, mind you.) The students were engaging and inquisitive as they listened to the lesson. Our questions were answered with enthusiasm and eagerness for more. Another student walked us to the door as we exited. (Did I mention all of this was without prompting from the teacher?)
                        
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
I complimented the teacher on her students’ behavior. Her reply, “They make getting up every day easy. I have little lives to shape and little minds to teach.”

Five years ago, a magnanimous principal took over a failing school in a rough part of town. Today, that school is a B+ school and continuing to improve. The teachers are much the same, the population of kids didn’t change. The difference? She raised the bar of expectation for her students and teachers. No longer were disrespectful attitudes and speech allowed. No longer were tests the only thing that mattered. The instructional time allowed for the teaching of manners. She made character the number one goal of the school. Character in the administration. Character in the faculty. Character in the students. And academics followed.

The definitive argument that character education and academic achievement have a direct correlation is right before our eyes. Teachers and schools who use character to teach character succeed. Those who don’t…don’t.
Why would anyone not use this simple formula for the education of children: “Little lives to shape and little minds to teach”…in that order?

From our hearts to yours,